A learned expert in human relationships has written: "The initial five to ten seconds when people meet each other are crucial in setting the climate or tone of the relationship."

Five to ten seconds! Good grief! Yet, have you ever come home at the end of a trying day, full of frustration, wanting a few quiet moments to release the tensions, only to be greeted by an onslaught of bright sunshine and good cheer in words like, "Tell me what great things happened to you today!" And how did the person greeting you feel, so bright and effervescent, when you came blowing in like an icy cold front. Damage can be done to a relationship in the first five or ten seconds of an encounter that it may take hours to overcome. Things went very badly, we are told, when an ecology-minded teenager greeted his father, saying, "I can?t stand all the trash, dirt, and pollution," and when the father replied, "Let?s get out of your room, then, and talk somewhere else.

Watch those first five to ten seconds. Regardless of what has happened, avoid saying things like, "You will never believe what happened to the car," or, "There is a letter here from the I.R.S." or, "Did you forget to deposit that check in the bank?" or, "You don?t mind if we spend the night with the Joneses next door?" Avoid, too, apologies and warnings about what is to come, words like, "I know you won?t be happy about this, but ?", or, "I hope you won?t be angry, but ?", or that old favorite, "I think we need to talk right away!" These words are surely a call to arms that will bring anger or irritation charging forward with weapons loaded and ready to fire.

The first five to ten seconds can also set the climate for a very helpful meeting. Use the first few seconds to sense the mood of the person you are meeting. Gentle touches, hugs, and sincere words of affection are rarely ever unwelcome between good friends and loved ones. Good news and expressions of confidence and encouragement are always helpful. Mainly, though, be aware that those first five or ten seconds will have much to do with the climate of many minutes, and, perhaps, even hours.

"If I speak in the tongues of mortals and or angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal" are Paul?s unforgettable words. (I Corinthians 13:1) If whatever we say, whenever or however we say it, is not spoken in love, we just add a loud discordant clang to an already cacophonous world. May whatever we say in those first five or ten seconds be. "The truth spoken in love." If they are, the conversations that follow will be rich and memorable.

Maybe things have speeded up so much that the 90th Psalm should read, "So teach us to number our seconds, that we may get a heart of wisdom."

Thank you, good and gracious God, for listening so attentively to us. We find you always ready to hear us, even though our complaints and pleadings seem so trivial beside your working to build a Kingdom of love and peace, your standing fast against the power of evil, and your bringing courage and comfort to people who are in intense pain or have suffered irreplaceable losses.

Teach us to listen with compassion and sensitivity. May the words we speak communicate genuine concern and kindness, not jealousy or boastfulness, not arrogance or rudeness. In all that we say, O God, may we reflect that love learned from you that bears, believes, hopes and endures all things. We could only bring our words to you through the intercession of our loving Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.